Three things fly in the face of what often happens in marriage. Most of the time, spouses are looking for the negative in one another, and if you are human, there will be something to find. The emotionally intelligent couple will look for that positive trait, that thing you are so happy your spouse has, or that thing that brings you so much joy that your spouse does for you.

Your spouse may be suspicious. That’s no problem. Just tell your spouse, “I got counsel that this approach helps build a relationship. I am experimenting with the technique to see if it impacts our marriage.” May I say that since you already have noticed a difference, something good is up!

Look for three things to tell your spouse today that you admire, love, and are thankful for the traits that your spouse possesses. Then tell your spouse.

Two cautions: Make sure it is true. Make sure what you say you like, you would be okay with getting more of it.